Musings

For the first eight months of Gussy’s life, I feel like I managed to juggle everything really well. Obviously, my priorities are Gussy and Sophie, and I always made sure that I was being the father and husband that I want to be before I thought about anything else.

Yet, I was able to manage to do it all in a way that I was – and am – really proud of.

And then things changed.

In early February, Gussy was a bit poorly, nothing out of the ordinary, but a series of persistent small illnesses that wore her down. Sophie and I also got ill – me to the point that I barely got out of bed for a few days – and our illnesses were also pretty hard to shift.

Gussy, however, had it the worst and ended up in hospital. Although it never felt like it was that serious, it was still pretty terrifying to see her the way she was and also to feel completely helpless to be able to do anything.

It took about a week, but eventually she got better and her usual sunny disposition returned.

Before long, so did the runny nose, the sneezing, the sniffles. Yep, we had another cold in the house – and all three of us were lured back in.

It was kind of strange how everything subsided when Gussy was ill. We had this tunnel vision, this obsession with trying to do whatever we needed to do to fix things. I guess that’s pretty normal for new parents, but I realised it’s quite rare to be so focused on one thing in life that everything else falls by the wayside.

Even when Gussy got better, and we were still recovering ourselves, we still had this collective brain fog where we were just going through the motions, getting through each day and then doing it all over again the next day.

For someone who craves for, and thrives within, structure, I found it curious: resistance was futile; I simply had to just ride it out – an ironic turn of phrase given ‘ride’ is exactly what I didn’t do.

So, you can imagine my relief when things, finally, started to feel back to normal in mid-March. Gussy was happy; Sophie was back at school; I was able to regularly get on the turbo.

And then, just when I felt like I had been able to put together a block of a few decent sessions, I woke up with swollen glands. A sure-fire sign that my body was fighting off another virus.

I think it was while walking home from Gussy’s nursery drop off that I realised that something had to give. 

For the eight months from when Gussy was born in May to February, I had managed to have my cake and eat it. I had had a handful of good races in the summer, setting a few PBs and really enjoying myself. And my winter training had gone so well that I set an all-time best hour of power on the turbo. I felt like I was in the best shape of my life. Funny that.

I had had it pretty good, all things considered. But now my luck had run out, and it was time to accept that, realistically, I couldn’t continue to stress my body – and immune system – on the bike given the constant stream of viruses and infections that are coming and going to and from nursery. There’s not much point in riding hard if you can’t recover from it, is there?

I managed to game the new parent system, but in the end my luck ran out.

So, here we are.

What next?

To be honest, I’m not sure.

I like to have something that I feel like I’m working towards. Something that I can see growing/developing/improving, whatever that may be.

Having spent the last few years of my teens coasting and doing nothing with my life, I never want to feel that rudderless again. So, complacency is the enemy.

The question then, I suppose, is: what do I do to scratch that itch of feeling like I am progressing in something realistic?

Even though it’s a two-hour round trip on foot – as opposed to 45 minutes on the bike – I’ve been really enjoying walking Gussy to nursery. Six hours of walking, on top of the numerous dog walks we do, have done me all sorts of good, even if just for longevity purposes. I’ve also done a bit of lifting here and there – something I’d like to find time to do regularly, even just five or 10 minutes here and there.

Things have settled down since Sophie’s been off for Easter although Gussy is currently fighting what we think is an ear infection, but generally she seems happy in herself.

As for what my routine will look like next week when Sophie goes back, I’m not sure.

I’ve managed to do a few 10-mile TT race pace sessions recently where I try to tap into what a ‘10’ feels like with the potential for racing on the horizon. I seem to be recovering from them fairly well which is a good sign.

And, given I don’t have the legs I had in mid-February, I was happy to do them around 340-345 watts which is about where I’d expect to be for a 10. (I only did two last season, so it’s hard to be sure.)

Before we got ill, I had done a lot of “forty thirties” which was 30 seconds around 5-min power and 60 seconds around low zone two. I tried to complete the forty efforts in around an hour, doing 10 reps then extending the ‘recovery’ to two minutes and then doing another 10. It usually worked out around 63-65 minutes IIRC.

I was planning to gradually lower the ‘over’ power and increase the ‘under’ power, to something akin to Steve Prefontaine’s 200s session – something I’ve played around with and enjoyed in the past. I might revisit that. Not sure. Who knows.

I’m not really sure how to finish this blog, so I guess I’ll just keep typing. This has been a cathartic exercise nonetheless. Apologies to the easily bored for the lack of pictures.