Marital Duty

With Valentines’ Day just past I’ve been thinking a lot about marital duty. Sophie and I have only been married for almost sixteen months, but I don’t think this is one of those subjects that only those with a letter from the Queen should discuss. Rather it is a discussion that I think everybody should get involved in.

What does marital duty mean to you? Is it putting your significant other first? Is it making sacrifices for your husband/wife? Is it, simply, being faithful? For me, marital duty is putting yourself in your partner’s situation, and doing what you feel is the right thing. It’s seeing them as an extension of yourself – hurting them hurts you, helping them helps you – and approaching everything with that in mind; you’re no longer just a ‘you’, you are now a ‘we’.

I can hear the cries of cry claustrophobia – what of independence? Aren’t I still my own person? Of course you are. Don’t ever lose sight of your individuality and the importance of doing your own thing. But keep in mind that you’re one half of a pair now. I actually think maintaining independency, particularly with hobbies, is healthy. But that’s like saying, ‘having friends makes you happier and healthier’.

Having been born into a family that values marriage, committing to somebody and maintaining that just seems a natural process. My parents are halfway to their diamond anniversary, both sets of grandparents have been married decades, and my great aunt and uncle were married for over sixty years. Sweet, isn’t it? Call me old-fashioned but it seems more impressive the longer you think about it.

The world is always changing, of course, and by the time Sophie and I reach our diamond anniversary marriage may be as outdated as travelling by horse. Yet there are still horse riders willing to forgo the convenience and instant gratification of the modern car in favour of their four-legged friend. (Most probably drive too but do you get my point?)

Maybe I am old-fashioned. But old-fashioned and outdated aren’t the same thing.